29
Jan 12

Meryl Streep Sutra

On Saturday, I raced from a Buddhist monastery to see Meryl Streep in her landmark portrayal of the former British prime minister Margaret Thatcher. How could I have guessed that these wildly disparate activities would go so well together?  I presented the scholar monk Bhikkhu Bodhi with copies of Parabola’s gorgeous new “Burning World” issue, which opens with a fresh translation of the Buddha’s Fire Sermon and a contemporary commentary by Ven. Bodhi.  I also stayed to hear his weekly lecture on the earliest Buddhist teachings.  This particular Saturday, he spoke about the traditional teachings on renunciation or letting go.

What does this have to do with Meryl Streep in The Iron Lady?  Far more than I planned. In the Fire Sermon, the Buddha taught that all is impermanent, that all will be consumed by the fire of aging, sickness, and death. Streep portrays the prime minister out of power and in old age, suffering the early stages of dementia.  She is beyond brilliant. Indeed, her portrayal has been compared to the greatest portrayals of King Lear.  God is in the details, and Streep seems to empty herself completely. Her eyes, hands, face, body are filled with the experience of this once iron leader in decline.

Still, the Fire Sermon describes the unnecessary burning of greed, hatred, and aversion.  Not surprisingly for a monk, Ven. Bodhi describes the attitudes and actions necessary to put out the fires consuming our world in ways that would definitely be described in modern terms as liberal. Margaret Thatcher, on the other hand, is a conservative icon more than two decades after leaving office.  Despite the flaws in the story and no matter what your political leaning happens to be (Streep herself is liberal), this great perfomanence reminds viewers what leadership can be—flowing from inner conviction, not outer calculation. Streep portrays Thatcher as courageous and unshakable—a woman who learned to speak and move and in all ways manifest authority in a man’s world, and a very dangerous and imbalanced world.

It was a performance that has everything to do with an ancient Buddhist sutta about renunciation or letting go.  It shows how the very greatest acts originate in emptying, in relinquishing our own ideas and identifications.  After her recent Golden Globe win, Streep was asked by a reporter if she had a principle or something else that guided her when she took a role. Streep said:  “I’ve never gotten to the bottom of me, all the conundrums and contradictions….”  She allowed that she gravitated towards characters that helped her explore different aspects of her own character.  In other words, she doesn’t come from a fixed sense of who she was or who a character is supposed to be; she is open to the unknown.  As for Thatcher herself, although I disagree with her politics I came away from the film understanding something new about the power of commitment.

There is a kind of commitment does not consist in clinging to a fixed beliefs or ideas (which Lady Thatcher undoubtedly did in later years).  This special kind of commitment consists in  being willing to open to be part of something greater than our own thoughts, our own story.  “Must make vacuum,” Gurdjieff urged his students, only then can reality enter.  This requires an ability to be still, to sink below the din of thought.  As I’ve been sharing in this space, we can’t find freedom by straining towards it seeking to transcend ourselves.  We must see and accept what we are, the endless dance of the ego to identify with everything so that it can go on being.  Yet at moments, conditions conspire to help us let go of all that, so that life can rush in and remind us that we are each in fact part of a greater whole.

After a meeting of Parabola editors in Manhattan recently, a fellow Parabola editor and I slowly made our way uptown through heavy traffic, talking about those times when it seems as if the universe is with you.  Getting around in New York offers many wonderful teachings on this.  Sometime the subway is there waiting for you with doors wide open just when you need it, and you sometimes you stand and wait.  Sometimes you hit all green lights all the way up Park Avenue, and sometimes when you are late ad there is someplace you urgently have to be, traffic grinds to a halt.  Even when you remember that you too are part of the traffic, you can feel like life is against you.  You can decide that a golden few get to have great destinies—Meryl Streep, Margaret Thatcher, Gurdjieff, that certain someone who always has wonderful things happen to them—while the rest of us muddle along, Muggles among the magical.

Yet there can be moments when a door swings open and the light pours in, revealing magic in the most ordinary life.  My fellow editor told me a marvelous true story about a woman who arrived somewhere late after encountering all kinds of obstacles, only to rush into a room just as the light was hitting at an angle just right to glint off her lost engagement ring. It occurred to her that the universe might have been trying to help her by putting all those obstacles in her path.  If the great law of accident came to her aid, the underlying truth is just as magical.  Let go and let life enter.

Remember what life feels like when you fall in love?  It can feel as if a veil is pulled aside, as if we were never really isolated and alone but part of something vast and wonderful and alive.  It can seem as if the universe was leading us towards this encounter.  We are grateful for everything, even the disappointments and hard times, because it led to this.  Years later, we remember the taste of waking up from our usual trance of anxious and embattled isolation to find we are part of a greater whole. How can we open more often?   We need to see and accept what is—our freedom lay in knowing the details as well as Streep knew how Thatcher walked or washed a tea cup.

“In order to be present, I must understand the working of my thinking mind, that it’s function is to situation and explain, but not to experience,” writes Madame de Salzmann. “Thought is made up of accumulated knowledge in the form of images and associations, and it seizes an experience only to make it fit into categories of the known.”  And yet we come to know the mind in loving detail, we can open to something beyond the world of our known thought.   I’ve come to think of it more and more as softening—a softening towards what we are that deepens into the quiet acceptance, the real letting go that comes when you know you won’t get to the bottom of things.

Decades ago when I was just out of college, I was caught up in the story of being small, lacking the talent or luck or whatever other quality it would take to enable me to ever do more than witness the greatness of others (in those days I thought witnessing was a small thing). I was working as an underling in the movie business.  I had a job that included sometimes greeting big producers who had come into the office for meetings and hearing not hello but “Diet Pepsi or Diet Coke.”  I was to get things and bring things. One day, into the office came Meryl Streep.  She smiled at me asked if she might come into my tiny office and sit down with her baby.  Yes, I said.  Her manner was very soft and present.  She looked at me and smiled. It was a memorable feeling in those surroundings, being treated as if I really existed beyond my limited functions. She admired a painting hanging on the wall behind my desk, asking me if it was by a certain someone, an art star.  I said no, but I thought this young artist was very influenced by the art star Streep mentioned.  Streep laughed and told me that she never worried about being influenced or borrowing or stealing from other artists.  She said something to the effect that everything she good had ever done (and by then she had done Sophie’s Choice and many other great roles) she had stolen.  I got what she meant immediately, that it all starts with imitation, with borrowing, stealing.  It all starts with something that has come before, an thought, an image, and then comes the work of opening to something real.

It took me many years to begin to understand about what it means to be open, to create a vacuum.  Soon on long ago day, Streep was ushered out to meet with some big lawyers and executives. Instantly her demeanor changed as she stepped forward to greet them.  I was left with an impression of fluidity, of changing to meet changing circumstances.  There was also an impression of generosity and kind of radiance.  She glowed.  Gurdjieff once said that the highest role we can aspire to is actor in a very special sense–to play a role consciously without becoming identified.  Streep was recently asked how she felt about being called possibly the greatest actor who ever lived.  She smiled and said she just doesn’t take in such statements the way she takes in other facts.  Of course this is a polite and politic thing to say (what a question!) But I have an indelible impression of the kindness and generosity she expressed towards an underling. I saw for myself she understands a few real facts about letting go, about not clinging to who you think you are, old limiting thoughts and feelings, about going beyond.

 


16
Oct 11

Jane Eyre Sutta #2

What does it take to fully awaken, to open up and receive life– to really see and hear and life beyond the usual limitations imposed by our fearful little “I”?   What if all we want is to be able to concentrate a bit better on the task in front of us, to be able to listen more deeply and be a little bit less numb?

Strange as it might seem, there is a clue given in the famous Victorian novel Jayne Eyre.  I’m thinking of the scene where young Jayne talks with saintly Helen Burns, her only friend in Lowood, the low and miserable institution for orphans where she has been abandoned by her family to be abused and starved.  Helen has been unfairly punished and humiliated by a horrible teacher, yet she rises above the insult:  “Life appears to me to be too short to be spent nursing animosity, or registering wrongs.  We are, and must be one and all, burdened with faults in this world: but the time will soon come when, I trust, we shall put them off in putting off our corruptible bodies; when debasement and sin will fall from us with this cumbrous frame of flesh, and only the spark of the spirit will remain—the impalpable principle of life and thought, pure as when it left the Creator to inspire the creature; whence it came it will return….”

No doctrine of sin or karma for Helen Burns.  She admits that she “holds another creed, which no one ever taught me….”  Close to death from consumption, the girl understandably wants to make eternity “a mighty home—not a terror and an abyss.”   She can clearly distinguish between the criminal and the crime and  “revenge never worries my heart…injustice never crushes me too low; I live in calm, looking to the end.”

This is nothing at all like Jane, who will go on to live a long and eventful life.  Jane tells Helen that she has no problem accepting her own natural inclination to strike back or at least resent those who hurt her.  Helen assures her that this will change, “as yet you are a little untaught girl.”  But Jane begs to differ:  “But I feel this, Helen:  I must dislike those who, whatever I do to please them, persist in disliking me; I must resist those who punish me unjustly.  It is as natural as that I should love those who show me affection, or submit to punishment when I feel it deserved.”

Helen reminds Jane that Christians and civilizations do not hold this view (although she herself is a heretic).  She sounds like Buddha (and MLK for that matter) when she cautions Jane:  “It is not violence that best overcomes hate—nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury.  She tells Jane to read the New Testament and learn how Jesus spoke and acted, loving his enemies, blessing and doing good to those who hated and cursed him.  This is the ultimate example of how to live a nonviolent, transformative, selfless way of life.

Yet we ordinary humans must be someone before we can be no one.   We must make constant efforts to know and accept ourselves in all our parts, not just our best thoughts.   An attitude that is allowable for an angelic and rather one-dimensional character on the brink of very early death, is for the rest of us “spiritual bypass.”  To open to life, we must open to our inner untaught little child.  We must sense and feel what we are in our body and feelings, not just our thoughts–not acting on every angry impulse but seeing what we are without judgment.

“There is an essential energy that is the basis of all that exists,” writes Madame de Salzmann, Gurdjieff’s closest pupil.  “I do not feel it because my attention is occupied by everything contained in my memory—thoughts, images, desires, disappointments, physical impressions. I do not know what I really am.   It seems that I am nothing.  Yet sometimes something tells me to look, to listen, to seek seriously and truly.”  Usually when we try (at least when I do) we see that we listen poorly.  We seem to have the attention of a fly, and we are constantly judging what we see.  Madame de Salzmann stresses how pervasive judgment, and how it separates us from what we see.  How can we escape?  The proximity of death is one way.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life,” said Steve Jobs at a commencement address delivered at Stanford University in 2005. “Because almost everything—all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure—these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.  Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.  You are already naked.  There is no reason to follow your heart.”

Living with nothing to lose, going for broke, gambling, taking that one leap over the chasm to freedom or out the prison window—all these things point toward a state of intense concentration.  The key  is not thinking—or not thinking from our usual ordinary egocentric place.

As we usually are, we are thinking all the time, constantly creating images and applying them to what we see.  But this is not deep seeing.  It is merely looking (as the artist Jane Rosen describes it in the “Seeing” issue).  Looking is labeling. It comes from a place of separation from what we see.   It comes from the surface of our mind.  There is judgment involved.

And yet there are special conditions and times when the attention is not dominated by the thinking, not not cut off from the sensations of the body, from the feelings.  There are times when we are not hypnotized by thoughts about my desires, attachments, times when we realize that the attention—and that we ourselves–are capable of more and meant for more.

This realization usually brings a great stillness.  Suddenly we see without naming, without separating.  Yet in order to maintain this open, undistracted attention we must accept our true nature, excluding nothing, rejecting nothing, judging nothing, observing ourselves and life without comment.

Sometimes, we don’t make the usual distinctions.  Sometimes the separation between the life inside and the life outside falls away.   We see the way artists do.  We see that seeing itself is a creative act.  Our deepest wish is to go on seeing, receiving life, being part of it.   Years ago, a friend of mine had reason to believe she was dying.   The funny thing about it, she told, was that she lost all interest in herself.  She grew interested in life.  Suddenly, everything seemed miraculous, the way the sun hit the wall, the doctors’ white coats, the doctors, everything.

It turns out there are more terrifying things than dying—and worse things than being a spirited, untaught little bad girl like Jane Eyre. There is the possibility of passing your life hypnotized by thought, never touching your true passions and feelings—and consequently never opening the whole package you have been given.  You are gifted with multiple ways to be attentive, to connect with life.  Discover and explore them all.  Pull yourself together.  To concentrate comes from a word that means to come from the center.  “Sati” or mindfulness means to re-member, to become a whole.  Live a whole life.

“Your time is limited.  Don’t waste it living someone else’s life,” said Steve Jobs.  Come down out of the attic of your mind and inhabit this life.


01
Feb 11

Make-believe Animal

“Man is a make-believe animal,” wrote William Hazlitt.  “He is never so truly himself as when he is acting a part.”

I am looking out at a white world through window framed with the uneven spikes of icecicles.”What are these daggers I see before me?”   I’m moving from Hazlitt to a reference to Macbeth not just because of the daggers of ice hanging from everybody’s house, but because the reports of the coming “monster storm” have taken such an ominous, apocalyptic turn.  It’s if the world has been knocked out of balance by ill deeds, which is what people feared in Macbeth’s time, and in Hamlet’s time, and in Julius Caesar’s time…and in most times.  The world certainly does deserve our care and attention.  But what gets in the way of our really seeing the big picture, not just reacting and projecting?   Today, because I am living in a little house in a wooded area that now looks like a fairy tale cottage, all framed in icecicles–today, because my neighbors and I are burrowing in in the face of  reports of a storm advancing like a great beast or monstrous army–today, I am aware that I am actually am living in a fairy tale.

I go walking through falling snow.  As I slip and slide down the hill and around the lake, I am full of plans and worries and desires to have this and avoid that.  Different scenarios well up and pass away.  P.L. Travers, the creator of Mary Poppins and a founding editor of Parabola said that everyone has to be the hero of one story: their own.   Whether we are or not we are almost always caught up in the narratives of our journey:  This is who I am and this is what life is like. Yet there are moments when we wake up,  moments when inner or outer conditions cause us to be here now.   Anything might pierce us, a bird call, the pristine beauty and silence of the snow.  This morning it was a kindly neighbor telling me part of her roof has collapsed under the weight of the snow.  No one will climb up and shovel it off in the storm, she told me.  What should she do?  I told her to call her insurance company, there are nice people there who can tell her what to do.  Hardly original, but just standing with her awhile and extending a little neighborly compassion lifted me up out of my own story.  It reminded me that we can change our story or our role within it.  We can learn to cultivate the “thin places,” those times when the dream isn’t so thick.  At those moments, I believe we may begin to move from scripted character to co-author of our lives.  At those moments, we may begin to learn how freeing it can be to act a part, to play a role.

“In order to be, we have to “play a role,” writes Madame de Salzmann.  We need to find a way to reconcile our aspirations to awaken to the higher, to Truth, with our natural desire to express ourselves, act out all our various perfectly good and natural strivings and intentions in life.  How can we do this?  We must strive to be present, taught Madame de Salzman, Buddha, God himself.  “To be present requires dividing the attention,” writes de Salzmann.  “Three-quarters must be kept inside and only one-quarter allowed to support the movement toward manifestation.”   By keeping the attention inside, I believe she means being mindfully aware of the body, feelings, thoughts moment by moment.  By one-quarter of the attention supporting “the movement towards manifestation,” I believe she means living consciously.  She means being with desires as they arise, neither repressing them or getting lost in them:  “At one moment, for example, I may experience a wish to indulge a pleasure like smoking or eating.  Either I immediately give in to the idea and have no contact with the desire, or I refuse and create conflict, again without contact because I have dismissed the desire.  And everything that arises in me proceeds like this.  The desire is life is life itself in me, extraordinarily beautiful, but because I do not know it and do not understand it, I experience frustration, a certain pain, in giving in or in repressing it.  So, the struggle is to live with the desire, not refusing it or losing myself in it, until the mechanism of the thinking no longer has an action on me, and the attention is free.”

In other words, we can be with the energy of desire for this or that, not identifying it with the mind but experiencing it as a manifestation of the life force–extraordinarily beautiful!  The movement to be made is not to repress or indulge but to invite or somehow kindle and keep lit an awareness that can accompany us as we seek to fulfill our desires.

Working this way we see that the realization of spiritual truth is situational, particular, a unique  moment of alchemy when attention turns the lead of usual sleep into gold.  We don’t obtain this kind of truth so much as give ourselves to it for a moment.  It is an act of seeing and service.

Today, as I bring in wood and lay a fire in the woodstove in case of the massive power outages that are predicted in the “monster snow” now advancing across the country like a blind beast of an army, I vow to try not to be completely taken by the story of the storm and my desires for, say, electricity and internet and hot water.  I vow to try to consciously play this role.


21
Dec 10

The Three Spirits

“We need to see that there is no ‘thinker,’ that this imagined ‘I’ which thinks ‘me’ and ‘mine’ is simply an illusion.” writes Jeanne de Salzmann in The Reality of Being.  “In order for us to receive truth, this must be dispelled, as well as all the other illusions of the thinking, including those behind our desires for pleasure or satisfaction. Only then can we see the real nature of our ambitions, struggles and sufferings.  Only then can we see through them and come to a state free of contradiction, a state of emptiness, in which we can experience love.”

Last week, I wrote about Scrooge and I’m still thinking about that great teaching.   I see Scrooge dining alone in a restaurant close to Christmas.  The waiter asks him if he would like bread with his soup.  The penny extra it will cost is too much for the brilliant businessman.   The hurt he experienced earlier in his life has closed his heart not just to others but to himself–to his larger capacities and possibilities.  The ghost of Marley, Scrooge’s miserable old business partner, appears to Scrooge in the middle of the night and shows him how we make chains of habit out of our thinking and our desires for pleasure and to avoid pain.  Even single-pointed concentration can become a habitual way of avoiding pain and a chain to bind us.  Habit can become character and finally destiny, but habit can change.  We can wake up to the true nature of our ambitions, struggles and sufferings.  After Marley,  three spirits–three moments of greater awareness–appeared to Scrooge.  The Ghost of Christmas Past shows Scrooge how the hurts he suffered early in his life led him concentrate on making money to the exclusion of all else.  The Ghost of Christmas Present introduces him to the reality of others and his impact on others for good or for ill.  From Ghost of Christmas Future he comes to grips with his final destiny and what it means to live a life untouched by love.  At the end of the night, Scrooge says “I am not the man he was”.   He has seen through the embattled fortress of the self.  Awakening, he is determined to keep Christmas well, to live in the light of love.

“What is important is to live with this void in which the self is abandoned,” writes Madame de Salzmann.  “With this abandonment arises the passion to be, a wish beyond thought and feeling, a flame which destroys all that is false.  This energy allows the mind to penetrate the unknown.”

A higher consciousness or greater awareness can sometimes visit us.  This greater awareness can have a penetrating wisdom and insight and it can reach us, chained as we are with our habits and striving for plearure and the avoidance of pain.  Really seeing ourselves as we are can bring about a state of emptiness–and the stillness of the grave.   Love can find us there.  It can descend into the void where all seems lost and reconcile us to Reality.

“No movement from the periphery toward the center will ever reach the center,” writes de Salzmann.  “A surface movement trying to become deeper will never by more than of the surface.  In order to understand itself, the mind has to be completely still, without illusion.  Then with lucidity we can see the insignificance of ‘me’ dissolve in an immensity beyond all measure.  There is no time, only the present moment.  Yet to live in the present is wholly sufficient unto itself.  At each moment one dies, one lives, one is.  Free of fear and illusion, moment after moment we die to the known in order to enter the unknown.”

Past, present, and future all here and now.   This Christmas, may we all be still and know ourselves as we really are, and know Love and the Peace that passes all human understanding.   Bless us everyone.


09
Feb 10

Back to Lascaux

In the current “Love” issue of Parabola, I interview David Rome, a senior fellow at the Garrison Institute who served as the personal secretary of the great Tibetan Buddhist teacher Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche for nine years.   Rome even took down the poetry that Trungpa spontaneously dictated and worked with him to edit it.  This proved to be a perfect preparation for Rome’s later work with a meditative technique called “focusing,” which aims to guide people back to the “felt sense.”  Rome describes the felt sense as the usually subtle experience of being in a body in a particular situation–it is knowing about your life in a bodily way.  (Sometimes it isn’t so subtle, when a chill goes up your spine).   This state of bodily presence that exists before experience gets filtered into words and defined emotions  is where poetry and other forms of art come from–the stuff that isn’t mere contrivance and imitation.   It is also the wellspring of symbols, myths, and the religious impulse.

In the past few weeks, since I’ve seen the movie Avatar, I’ve been reflecting on how mindfulness meditation and even childhood fantasy games (I was a jungle girl) can be like traveling back in time–not just in our individual lives, to a time of innocence, but back to a time when there was no hard and fast separation between art and religion.  Eugene Gendlin, the University of Chicago philosopher and psychologist who developed focusing  once said that the felt body is “part of a gigantic system of here and other places, now and other times, you and other people, in fact the whole universe.  This sense of being bodily alive in a vast system is the body as it is felt from the inside.”

It can feel this way to sit down on a cushion and meditate.  Returning to the sensation of being present can open us up again to the primordial mystery of life–and so can good poetry and art.   It leads us beyond what is present to the sublime.   In the old days, in days of the great cave paintings in Lascaux, there was no separation between religious and the artistic impulse.  These days, however, art that is deemed good by the art establishment isn’t supposed to have anything to do with the spiritual.  Yet sometimes the twin impulses can’t be denied.  In an article about the painter Agnes Martin,  Joanna Weber writes:  “In 1764, Kant wrote  ‘The sublime moves, the beautiful charms.  The sublime must be simple; the beautiful can be adorned and ornamental.’”  Martin’s work is  simple and sublime.  In her own description: “a work of art is successful when there is a hint of perfection present–at the slightest hint…the work is alive.  The life of the work depends on the observer, according to his own awareness of perfection and inspiration.”

I find in my own life that this felt sense is usually completely drowned out by thought–or else I’m not aware of it until there is a big explosion of anger or fear.   Yet I know there is something in me besides ego and mindless habit, something that yearns to be part of something bigger than my own piddling interests and subjectivity.   How to make a practice of this?    Drop everything the mind happens to be grasping.  Sink down under all the layers of care and views and languages, be with the prehistoric one who knows what is right here right now.


24
Jan 10

Back to the Jungle

Much has been written about how the film Avatar was made–how it took five years and thousands of people and $300 million.  Much has been written about how enchanting it looks.  Vatican Radio said “really never before have such surprising images been seen.”   L’Osservatore Romanos, the newspaper of the Holy See, commented:  “So much stupefying, enchanting technology, but few genuine emotions…” Others beside these Vatican sources commented on the pantheism of the story–a faith that equates God with nature–taking issue with the suggestion that communion with “Eywa,” the “All Mother” of Creation, the humming hub of energy that is the sum of everything thing, is the highest divinity.

But I have been thinking about how the film follows such a deep groove in the culture and maybe even in most individual’s brains, certainly mine.  Gurdjieff told his students that the aim of his work was not to add anything new but to recover something had been lost.  Gurdjieff meant wholeness,  unity– in a much more subtle, inward way than what James Cameron is dazzling the world with.   But the visually mind-blowing Avatar can take a person back, as they say.  It made me remember how it felt to be a child. The  protagonist of the film, a 22nd century ex-Marine named Jake Scully, is sent on a mission to a moon called Pandora.   His consciousness is slipped into the nine-foot-tall blue alien body,or avatar, so he can spy on the Na’Vi,  the beautiful, lithe, blue natives of Pandora who look like a re-imagined indigo version of the first aboriginal people.    Jake is meant to help his corporate and military masters get rid of the Na’Vi, who are living on top of a rich deposit of “Unobtainium,” an invaluable mineral back on ruined Earth.  But Jake (whose original body was paralyzed from the waist down thanks to war)  falls in love with a Na’Vi princess and learns a new way to be.

Biologists have written articles in The New York Times about the way Avatar captures “the naked, heart-stopping wonder of really seeing the living world.”    Watching it made me remember imaginary games I played in childhood that involved climbing trees and (in winter) jumping from couches to chairs in the living room, pretending I bounding gazelle-like through a vast, impossibly beautiful jungle, my black panther consort padding by my side.   Watching the swooping, gorgeous scenes of Cameron’s movie, it all came rushing back, the yearning and exuberant certainty I felt at five or six-years-old  that I could be far more capable and graceful and alive than my mother and the container of my life allowed me to be.    Somehow I new there had to be more to me that what was called on in school each day.   There was a capacity to be quicker, wilder…anyway, I practiced pretending that I could listen and even feel the intelligence of the whole of the jungle.

My days as a girl in tune with the jungle came crashing down the day my mother intentionally bleached the navy blue shorts I would not stop wearing winter or summer when I was pretending to be a kind of girl Mowgli.   It was a horrible, clarifying moment for me, seeing those shorts all mottled purple and white.  It was like tearing back the curtain on the Wizard of Oz.   I went from having a connection to the whole of Nature to being an ordinary kid shivering in a laundry room on a January day.

Many, many decades later, however, I sat down on a sitting cushion with other friends who are interested in coming to a greater unity. These days, the unity I wish for is an inner unity and the divinity I aspire to know is greater than Nature.   As I quieted down and sought to come to a greater awareness,  I realized that remembering who we really does mean forgetting the small creature we usually take ourselves to be.    It means going back, back behind all the proliferating thoughts and biases, returning to consciousness…and that primordial mystery.


15
Jan 10

Avatar

It has always intrigued me that the computer world applies words traditionally meant to point towards sacred realities– “icon” and “avatar”–in  weird but apt ways.   An icon, for example, is a small image that can be clicked on to become a gateway to a much larger reality–a two-dimensional technological version of the way an Byzantine icon can lead an Orthodox Christian who contemplates it to an appreciation of the  greater reality it represents.   Similarly, an avatar is a picture vehicle or a cartoon personification for a real person while a traditional avatar was a Hindu deity incarnated in human form–the way Lord Krishna appeared to Arjuna on the battlefield.     Who first thought of using these terms?   What computer geek (s) with a love of comparative religion chose those words instead of the cute common word  “cookie” or the made-up word  “google”?  It seems to suggest that at least some of the time, computing and software design attracts people who have  some of the same questions and hopes that animate spiritual search–i.e. the exchange of energy.  Certainly, this is true of technologist and gift economy entrepreneur Nipun Mehta, whom Parabola interviewed last year.

James Cameron’s film “Avatar” is a gorgeous digitally animated and live action fantasy exploration of what it could be like to be human and inhabit a greater reality.  Regardless of how they may judge the story Cameron tells,  almost everyone  who has seen the film has been bowled over by the way Cameron (working with a crew of thousands) has reimagined nature.  In the New Yorker, David Denby writes:  “As Cameron surges through the picture plane, brushing past tree branches, coursing alongside foaming-mouthed creatures, we may be overcome by an uncanny sense of emerging, becoming, transcending–a sustained mood of elation produced by vaulting into space.”  Set on Pandora, an Eden-like planet, and among the tribal clan, the Na’vi, who sense and worship the connections among all living beings.    As Denby describes them:  “In their easy command of nature, they are meant to evoke aboriginal people everywhere.  They have spiritual powers and, despite their elementary weapons–bows and arrows–real powers, too.  From each one’s head emerges a long braid ending in tendrils that are alive with nerves.  When the Na’vi plug their braids into similar neural cords that that hang from the heads of crested, horselike animals and giant birds, they achieve zahelu“….the Na’vi can merge with the animals  and govern their behavior with their own thoughts (in some other reports I’ve read, this is the way the Na’vi merge with one another as well).   In the film, a shadowy mega corporation grow tall blue avatars by incorporating a few peoples’ DNA–among them Jake, a paralyzed ex-marine.  When Jake slips into his avatar body he can suddenly run and jump againg–even before he goes flying on a kind of huge, colorful pterodactyl–we feel the soaring joy of movement.

Another writer calls Avatar “a long apologia for pantheism–a faith that equates God with Nature, and calls humanity into religious communion with the natural world.”   That columnist claims that “pantheism has been Hollywood’s religioun of choice for a generation now…It’s the metaphysics woven through Disney cartoons like The Lion King and Pocahontas.  dogma of George Lucas’s Jedi, whose mystical Force ‘surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together.’”

Hmmmmm.  So many interesting questions bubble up.   I remember so vividly experiencing meditation for the first time–that experience of coming down out of my thoughts and reconnecting with sensory awareness–and with feelings and thoughts before they hardened into ideas.  That was like slipping into an avatar and visiting a gorgeous new world, a connected world.  But now, decades on, I can also see how easy it is to take that realm for Reality…when perhaps there is a higher heaven?   How crucial it is to get out of the cage of the ego and rediscover the body…yet there is even more….


06
Jan 10

Being Free And Being Yourself In the New Year

Happy New Year!  May you be happy and peaceful.  May all of  your good intentions and highest wishes come to fruition.  “The ‘Causes of Existence’ mean not only the physical causes known to science, but the metaphysical causes, the chief of which is the desire to exist,” writes H. P. Blavatsky, the founder of the Theosophical Society.   “This desire for a sentient life shows itself in everything, from an atom to a sun….According to esoteric teaching, the real cause of that supposed desire, and of all existence, remains forever hidden….”

“A ‘sentient life’ is impossible without sensation, and sensation is impossible without consciousness–the capacity to relate self and other,” writes Richard Smoley in The Dice Game of Shiva.  “So the root of all existence is the primordial distinction between self and other.”    Even hydrogen and oxygen atoms are conscious in this sense know how to “recognize” each other  so they can bond and become water.  When did this “selfing” all begin?  Smoley quotes the creation hymn of the Rig Veda, the oldest book in the world: “‘Whence this creation has arisen–perhaps it formed itself, or perhaps it did not–the one who looks down on it, in the highest heaven, only he knows–or perhaps he does not know.”

The drive to be, to affirm or define ourselves in relation to the world around us–there is no getting to the beginning or the end of it.     At this dark, cold, still time of year,  this time of resolutions and affirming new beginnings,  the yearning to get down to the serious business of being the “real” self, clearing away all the distractions and obstacles that stand in the way really stands out.   It suffuses many inspiring and useful blogs like “Zen Habits.”  Yet there is always another yearning that is harder to articulate, to return to the source, to be free of the isolation of the ego and connected with the whole of life.

Even as a little girl I can recall yearning to reveal the “real” me (at five years old I pictured her as a cross between a cartoon superhero and Mowgli from Disney’s version of Jungle Book, strong yet connected to nature).   It’s harder to remember exactly when I noticed the opposite wish–to go beyond myself.  It appeared first as wondering, looking up at the night sky and wondering when it all began and what was it for.

It would be really lovely to be able to divide a life into “selfing” and “unselfing.”   In a way this is the truth, since I no longer daydream about flying into my classroom like super girl or demonstrating my power to communicate with animals to the amazement of my friends.  These days,  the dominant wish has to do with wishing to be connected with others and with the whole of life.    But in reality the experience is mixed–on the very deepest level there is affirming, denying, reconciling.   There is no escaping life as long as we are alive.

For humans, it is even more complicated.  In the words of Madame de Salzmann:  “We participate in life with both a divine nature and an animal nature.  Man is double; he is not one.   And as such, he is only a promise of man until he can live with both natures present in himself and not withdraw into one of the other….A conscious man is he who is always vigilant, always watchful, who remembers himself in both directions and has his two natures always confronted.”

What can this mean?


20
Dec 09

A Veda Merry Christmas!

Yesterday morning, yearning to get out before the big snow storm hit, and wanting buck the tide of  Christmas-shopping crowds, I drove up the Taconic to Chuang Yen monastery in Carmel, New York, where Venerable Bhikkhu Bodhi’s is teaching classes in some of the sutras (or “suttas” in Pali) in his translation of the Majjhima Nikaya, or Middle Length Discourse of the Buddha.   First, the assembled group of us meditated for half an hour, most of us in winter coats and shawls since the monastery is as cold as a castle on warm days and yesterday was freezing.  At the end of the meditation, we bowed, including several full bows, head touching floor.  There is something about the forehead touching the stone floor of a monastery that can remind a person that another way of relating to reality is possible.   As a Westerner who was raised Methodist (you weren’t supposed to wear your spiritual heart on your sleeve), bowing used in this style used to seem a little wild to me.  But now I love it because it reminds me that there is an inner posture as well in which the egocentric thinking isn’t on top.   Lately, it seems to me that what Madame de Salzmann calls “voluntary passivity,” has to do with surrender my allegiance to the  false self–with seeing that the momentum of what I take to be myself is largely driven by what the Buddhists call the “three poisons”  of craving or grasping, aversion or ill will, or delusion or ignorance.  Sometimes I can see and feel that what I usually take myself to be is largely made of tension and pain.    What a relief to let go, even just for that second the head touches the floor.  No self, no problem.  Just life and the wish to take a place in life, to serve somehow.

Venerable Bodhi is a great scholar in addition to being a warm-hearted human being (he is just back from Copenhagen, where he was part of a group of religious leaders speaking out for taking better care for the earth).   He parsed what it meant in the early days of Buddhism to have unwavering confidence in the Buddha, the dharma, the sangha.  “Noble ones,” in the time of the Buddha were those who had done their own inner work, who could look back and reflect and gain inspiration and unwavering confidence (lin her upcoming book, Madame de Salzmann talks about faith coming from conviction based similarly on real attainments).   The Pali word “dharmaveda”  indicates that unshakable confidence and Ven. Bodhi explained that “veda” which was so important in India at the time of the Buddha (and long before) means  “both to know and to feel.”  He said that he settled for “inspiration” in his translation although it didn’t really cover it.  Veda means to know and to feel at the same time–it is knowledge accompanied by elevated feeling or an inspired or exhilerated feeling accompanied by real knowing.   Such inspired or exhilerated knowing leads to the kind of rapture or gladness that leads to tranquility, to the mind settling down and becoming concentrated and clear, resting on the only solid ground in this shifting world which is the Truth.  I once heard Madame de Salzmann (a true Noble One) say that Ouspensky never understood that the Truth is in movement,  like the stars and the planets.   The Truth also encompasses impermanence and all the other laws that determine our lives.

Wishing you much “veda” ….a Veda Merry Christmas!


13
Dec 09

Reality is the Goal

“It is only when we get beyond fantasy, beyond wishing and dreaming, that the real conversion takes place and we awake re-born….for reality is the goal, deny it how we will,” wrote Henry Miller (and thank you to Josh Baran who posted it on Facebook so it could circulate in the world anew).  “When the individual is wholly creative, one with destiny, the god-feeling is so intense everything beats with divine rhythmn. ”

In the documentary “My Architect,” a Yale professor describes the architect as artist, as someone who had the feeling and capacity to wish to serve what we call god without sparing himself (my paraphrase).   When I  watched this scene last year I wondered why I had never before thought of Madame de Salzmann as an artist–she was a musical prodigy as a girl.   Why had I never thought of Gurdjieff as artist?   Not just the Movements but all the forms he brought were created.   It occurs to me that to make the kind of effort that Madame de Salzmann describes in The Reality of Being it is necessary to live experimentally, like an artist, willing to abandon fantasy and allegiance to the false self to risk a greater wholeness.   Miller sounds strikingly like de Salzmann when he speaks  of “the moment of supreme individuation, when the identity of all things is sensed.”  In such a moment “the umbilical cord is cut–there is neither longing for the womb or for the beyond.  The sure feeling of eternality.  Beyond this there is no evolution, only a perpetual movement from creation to creation.”

Isn’t this what it must mean to serve God, to help His Endlessness, however you conceive it, to be one with Reality?